These days, all I keep hearing is, “Ohh terrible two’s! Good luck with that”, “Yikes, terrible two’s times two”, etc.
And do. not. get. me. wrong – we sure do have some crazy moments where I feel like I’m drowning in toddler land.
But amidst all of the chaos, I am constantly reminding myself that these little people are, well, just simply that – little people. They are itty bitty geniuses trapped in bite-size bodies, unable to accurately communicate what they want [because let’s face it, most of the time they don’t even know what they want]. However, I have learned through Mommy-goggle observation, that 9 out of the 10 tantrums, they’re freaking out for pretty legitimate reasons.
For a quick example; I was in the kitchen the other day, running back and forth from counter to counter trying to get lunch ready for everyone, and one of my little ones kept coming over and tugging on my shorts saying, “Mease, mease” (which is her attempt at “please”, we just don’t have the “pl” yet) and I kept saying, “Just a minute honey”. As I continued to do my thing, she started whining and freaking out a little bit, so I looked down and she had her shoes in her hands – she wanted me to help her put them on. Had I continued to brush her off, the more frustrated she’d [of course] become.
Now, most people would look at the whining and jump to assume it’s a symptom of the “terrible two’s”, instead of looking into the situation and asking themselves, “If I were [insert toddler name], what would I be whining about, what would I be asking for or trying to communicate?”. This has worked so, so well for me.
I kneel down so I’m at their level and try to read their body language and see what they could need in that moment. If it’s something they’re not supposed to have/be doing, I calmly explain why not and hey, sometimes they freak out even harder but honest to goodness – most of the time they are equally as calm with the result because they feel like I’m hearing them and understanding them.
I’ve found that the root of most toddler tantrums is that they feel like they aren’t being heard.
Here’s what – isn’t – effective:
*toddler motions that they want/need something*
Parent: “No. Don’t do/touch that”.
*toddler freaks*
Parent: *ignores*
Also:
*toddler uses words to communicate they want/need something*
Parent: “No”
Toddler: “How come?”
Parent: “Because I said so.”
— Because I said so —
Imagine, as adults, if you asked someone something – whether a friend, boss, whomever, and they just flat out said “No” and gave a simple “Because I said so”, imagine how frustrated you’d feel?
Try being a tiny, vulnerable person who doesn’t understand adult behavior to begin with, and then constantly being told “No” – “Just because”, all the time? It’s one of my biggest fears to be trapped inside a 2 year olds body, I swear.
It makes my heart sad seeing parents respond to child emotion with adult emotion. Children don’t yet understand the magnitude of adult anger, so when an adult gets frantic or shows anger or hostility, the child becomes confused and even more frustrated than they were to begin with.
Imagine being yelled at in a foreign language? That’s what it’s like when you yell at a toddler. They know you’re upset, they get the vibe, but they don’t know why or how to handle it.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I completely stand behind firm parenting and structured discipline, and I do feel it’s imperative for the parent to teach the child the importance of respecting and obeying. However, I feel that it’s just as important – and most beneficial – for the child to feel that they’re equally respected and understood. They deserve to be treated like their feelings and opinions are just as important – even at 2 years old.
So call me crazy, but I just can’t jump on the “terrible two’s” bandwagon. As crazy [and sometimes difficult] as this stage is, it’s the most energetic, adventurous learning experience – for me and my little munchkins. Having a curious, driven child isn’t the worst thing in the world!
Moral: want to understand and connect with your toddler a bit more easily? Take a walk in their shoes – I promise it’ll be worth it!
Choose . Happy 